Jack Handy
  1. Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver
  2. If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. -- Deep Thoughts
  3. Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

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Born: 1949-02-25
Jack Handey (born 25 February 1949) is an American humorist. He is best known for his Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, a large body of surrealistic one-liner jokes, as well as his "Fuzzy Memories" and "My Big Thick Novel" shorts. Although many people assume otherwise,[1][2] Handey is a real person, not a pen name or character.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Handy retrieved on 2010-10-07 22:16:45.

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